When the Heart Stops Beating
by scorpion22
Summary: Inspired by that moment in the hospital in Heart of Gold. When he dies in that moment Rumpelstiltskin found himself reliving his entire life as if flashed through his eyes. Will seeing it all again make him see things differently, or will he remain the same. Read and find out and please review. Rating may change.


First of all you should be warned if you haven't seen heart of gold the last episode in season four then you should be prepared. This will definitely spoil it for you. That episode inspired this, I'm not going to give any details because I really don't want to spoil anything for anyone, but the story itself should tell you where I got this idea. I own nothing if that isn't obvious and please review.

Chapter 1

Rumpelstiltskin heard the beeping of the machines around him until suddenly the only thing he heard was silence. His heart stopped beating and his life ended and he closed his eyes falling into the arms of death for the second time. He didn't know it yet, but this time would be very different from the first. Zelena's words and everything faded to black as it all happened so quickly. When he opened his eyes once more he wasn't in the hospital anymore, he didn't know where he was this hadn't happened the first time. Rumpelstiltskin looked all around, but he couldn't identify his surroundings; he had no way of telling where he was. He found himself suddenly standing in a dark gray room, he was in one of his suits now, and he was walking without the use of his cane as he circled the room frustratingly. Very little could make him jump, but when a unknown booming voice unlike any he had ever heard began to speak to him out of nowhere he jumped bringing a hand to his chest in his shock. The voice filled the whole room as it began to speak and he silently wondered if it was the voice of god, or maybe the devil coming to mock him before sending him into the fires of hell.

"Rumpelstiltskin," boomed the voice making him look up at the ceiling only to find there was no ceiling only the blackness of oblivion.

"Who are you; what do you want? Where the hell am I?" yelled Rumpelstiltskin still continuing to circle the length of the room he found himself in staring searchingly up into the blackness above him. He expected some conscience, or guilt ridden angel to appear before him to tell him the sins he'd committed like he didn't already know, but no one appeared he remained completely alone.

"You have lived a life unlike any. You have made mistakes that have cost you everything you hold most dear. See what you have done; relive your journey. Reflect on your time and make it right," boomed the voice. Rumpelstiltskin stood there a minute; he didn't understand. Was he dead? He knew his heart was bad, but he didn't think it would kill him. He still had things he had to do; he still had people he had to get back to and redeem himself for he couldn't die, not yet. He couldn't be dead, he just couldn't.

"Am I dead? Is this it; is this my end?" exclaimed Rumpelstiltskin suddenly stopping in the middle of the room hoping the voice would explain things further. He had lived a long time, he had lived a life like no one else just like the voice had said, but he wasn't done yet. He still had things to do; this wasn't like the first time then he had been fully prepared for death, but this time he wasn't ready at all.

"Say something damn it. I demand to know more about what is happening here," screamed Rumpelstiltskin continuing to stand there in bewilderment, but he received no answer, no warning as he was suddenly thrust forward moving through the oblivion into the hands of time. It seemed to him he moved through the oblivion for the longest time and when it finally ended it happened much like it began, suddenly and with no warning at all. And then he found himself standing alone someplace he had thought he would never see again, but here he was standing somewhere he never thought to be again. He was standing in the village he had lived in when he was nothing, but a lowly spinner. And he was standing outside the hut he once called a home.

"Why am I here? Why would anyone choose to bring me back here?" whispered Rumpelstiltskin as he stood outside his former home in the dark of night.

"Why bring me here? This place has nothing to do with the sins I've committed. I was nothing here; I was only the town coward nothing more, nothing less. Why bring me back here?" called Rumpelstiltskin into the air around him part of him expecting someone to come see who was screaming while another knew no one could hear, or see him. All sound stopped as it suddenly felt as if the air had been sucked from his lunges when he saw his former spinners self hobbling on his bad leg dressed in his soldier's uniform moving slowly towards his home. Rumpelstiltskin didn't know it, but this was his answer. This was where his story, his life truly began when he became the town coward and came home from the war. Watching his former self move closer, Rumpelstiltskin couldn't think of another word to say. He was speechless as he watched his life relive itself before his eyes; he didn't want to be there in that moment, he didn't want to remember this moment let alone watch it happen all over again. He knew the voice had said he would have to reflect on his sins, but what was there to reflect on here, he just didn't understand why anyone would bring him here. Maybe he thought as he stood there in silence death was like everything else in this world. Maybe death had a price just like magic and this was his price.

He watched his former self open the door and then he saw her; Milah.

"The selfish bitch," growled Rumpelstiltskin as soon as he saw her standing there before the fire. He still saw red at the very thought of her and the sight of her did the very same thing. But she only held his attention momentarily; it was what she held in her arms that he couldn't keep his eyes off of. In that moment he heard his former self speaking and he knew those words; he also knew what his wife would have to say in response and he really didn't want to hear those words again. And as he entered the hut and witnessed the fight from so many years ago he silently thought that this was his chance to say the things he never got to say before.

"You never loved me at all. You only ever loved yourself. We never had love at all, I may have loved you, but you never loved me. You only pretended to; you were never my true love. We never had what Belle and I had; we had true love. You and I, Milah we never had anything. But I'll never understand how you could leave Bae. He was your son; you birthed him and gave him life. How could you leave Bae? That is why I'm glad I killed you; I'm glad I ripped your heart out and crushed it because that's what you deserved," growled Rumpelstiltskin moving forward as the two fought to whisper these words in her ear knowing full well she couldn't hear him. He watched as the fight ended as he finished speaking into her ear. Milah moved forward handing the spinner the infant in her arms and suddenly both versions of himself had eyes only for their son.

"Bae," breathed Rumpelstiltskin as he peered over the spinners shoulder at a very tiny Baelfire as he cooed and stared up at his papa in awe. Rumpelstiltskin felt a pang deep inside; he missed his boy. Staring down at his Bae, Rumpelstiltskin suddenly was grateful to be able to see this moment again. He was grateful to see his boy even as small as he was one last time. Anything else he would have to see, or experience was suddenly worth it. But as soon as it began it ended and his former self and Bae melted away.

"I love you Bae," whispered Rumpelstiltskin as it all melted away and he found himself in a later time in his life still standing in the hut from long ago at night once more.

Everything was the same; it was pitch dark except for a fire burning in the Hurth. This was much later in life he knew that for sure when he saw the two men sitting before the fire. It was his past self again and sitting across from him not far away was the beggar who he now knew had been the Dark One the entire time. Staring down at the two as he stood between them; he found himself speechless once more. This moment was one of the defining moments in his life. If the former Dark One had never told him of the dagger he would still be the town coward hell he'd be dead by now and his boy would have died in the war of that he was sure. This moment changed all of that, but not just for the better, for the worse too. Part of him wondered if it was all worth it.

He listened for the second time as the beggar spun his tale thinking as he did that he never could have controlled the Dark One. That had been his plan in the beginning, but he was too cowardly then. In the end if he hadn't of become so enraged by his words he wouldn't have killed him either. He didn't know what he would have done. As that thought went through his mind the scene changed again. When he appeared again Rumpelstiltskin found he wasn't that far in the future. He was no longer in his former home, but in the blackness of the woods; trees surrounded him and looking up he found he couldn't see the stars through the thick branches.

This was the moment part of him knew this journey would make him see. This moment changed not only his entire life, but him. Like before with the other two moments in his life, he saw himself standing alone in a clearing between the trees a torch in hand to light his way. He moved forward until he was within arm's reach of the poor spinner and without a word Rumpelstiltskin simply watched and waited for the moment that would change everything. While in one hand he held the torch in the other he held the dagger; the dagger that would soon be his. Looking at it now, Rumpelstiltskin and the spinner both watched as Zoso's name glinted in the fire light. Breathing a sign, Rumpelstiltskin couldn't help, but feel dread in his heart, soon that dagger would have his name on it, Zoso's would be erased and Rumpelstiltskin's would replace it. And again with him standing there to watch, history began to replay itself before his very eyes. And there was nothing he could do to stop it; there was nothing he could do to change his past even if he wanted to. He could only stand there and watch and reflect and contemplate it all like the voice wanted him to. The spinner raised the dagger his hand shaking.

"Zoso…Zoso. I summon thee," called the spinner and waiting there in the dark he looked around expecting the Dark One to appear immediately. When nothing still didn't happen Rumpelstiltskin saw his former self's shoulders slump dejectedly. Rumpelstiltskin still didn't say a word; he knew what was coming.

"There you are," growled Rumpelstiltskin as the former Dark One Zoso finally appeared as if from midair scaring the living daylights out of his former self. Rumpelstiltskin watched them in that moment as neither said a word at first and even when they did he really wasn't listening anymore. He couldn't help, but feel the irony of the moment.

"How many desperate souls did I do the same thing to," whispered Rumpelstiltskin looking back into all his memories to many times when he would appear like that. And one time in particular, he remembered when he had been called to Avonlea, how he had done the same to the whole room when he appeared to make the best deal he ever made. No matter how many deals he made that would always be his favorite. Watching the scene before him, Rumpelstiltskin listened to the venomous words the dark One spilled forth to mock the spinner. He knew this had to happen; he had to say those words, or else he never would have gained the courage to stab him with the dagger. And yet as he watched Rumpelstiltskin couldn't help, but feel torn inside as he waited for the fateful moment. He knew what was coming, but part of him didn't know if he wanted it to happen. If he could part of him would have stopped this moment from ever taking place; after all what would change if he did. Maybe some things would be different. But he knew this was just wishful thinking. This moment had to happen, if it didn't one very important thing would change while another would not. No matter what, he was sure whether this happened, or not his boy would still be dead either way. Rumpelstiltskin knew if he never became the Dark One everything would change; one thing for sure being that he would have never found Belle.

"Belle," breathed Rumpelstiltskin in that moment closing his eyes as her beautiful face filled his mind making his heart clench.

Not becoming the Dark One meant not finding his true love. This moment meant he would never find her and never fall in love with her. And he would never choose a life where he hadn't found her and loved her. This moment, becoming the Dark One meant he would live forever and one day he would be called to Avonlea to make that deal, the deal for her. He couldn't imagine what that would be like. What a life without ever finding her would be like.

"I will always love her, my Belle. I will always love her even now after all that's happened," whispered Rumpelstiltskin seeing her face once more. Yes she had banished him and so much had happened between them, but no matter what happened between them he would always love her. He would always fight to get her back; he would always fight for his true love.

"I love you Belle," whispered Rumpelstiltskin once more closing his eyes still as he remembered this experience, everything that it represented came crashing down on him. His love for her was like the blood in his veins; it soured through him unstoppable. Even if he had wanted to, he couldn't have stopped loving her. He would have had to rip his own heart out in order to do so. And that was the one thing being the Dark One had given him; it had led him to her. She was and always would be the best thing that had ever happened to him in his time as the Dark One that would never change.

"I hope I'm not dead. I can't die yet I have to get her back first," whispered Rumpelstiltskin as the truth of the matter once again came crashing down on him. This whole experience could very well mean he was dead; he could never get the chance to ever see her again, he could never get the chance to get his happy ending with her, and prove to her that he loved her.

"I can't die with her thinking I never loved her," breathed Rumpelstiltskin his hand instinctively covering the space over his heart. He knew that while the organ itself lay in his chest in truth it was back in Storybrooke with her. She would always have his heart whether she knew it, or wanted it at the moment.

In that moment, he opened his eyes his attention drawn to the scene before him. The moment was here; the moment that would change everything. Rumpelstiltskin watched motionless as his former self finally stabbed Zoso in his anger falling to the ground with the Dark One. Looking at it in that moment, Rumpelstiltskin couldn't help, but think that he didn't remember it happening as quickly as it was as he watched on. His former self looked extremely surprised by what he had done; Rumpelstiltskin remembered thinking back then that he didn't think he had the courage to kill the Dark One. Looking into the face of the man lying beneath him finally, the spinner gasped and his eyes widened when he found himself looking into the eyes of his benefactor the beggar. Time seemed to stop as they stared at each other the spinner's hand still wrapped tight around the hilt of the dagger as it remained buried in the man's body. This was the very beggar he had sat with in his home as his son lay sleeping, they had sat before the fire, he had trusted him and told him of his fears, and he had been the Dark One the whole time. And as it all went through the spinner's mind, Rumpelstiltskin watched on in silence. Rumpelstiltskin watched as his former self pulled the blood covered dagger from the other man's body staring down at his own name as it now lay inscribed on the dagger.

"Looks like you made a deal you didn't know anything about," said Zoso before he died. That was the last thing Rumpelstiltskin heard before it all faded into oblivion once more taking him to another important life altering moment in his life.


End file.
